The Intervention Stigma
A family intervention, no matter the drug, is about getting the person into drug treatment or detox.
Contrary to some older ideas about what family intervention services should include, like getting the addict to admit to having a problem, or ask for help, I have found that complicating a family intervention with these additional agenda’s can severely bog down the intervention process and are, for the most part, completely irrelevant. I measure an interventionist’s success by the number of people in treatment, not by how many confessions have occurred during the family intervention itself. The fact is that an addict will admit whatever you want them to admit, if they think it will get them what they want. And, they will change their minds on a dime, so confessions should not be a big priority during a family intervention.
Whether or not an addict asks for help during a family intervention is not a measure of their willingness, or of how well they will succeed. It is only a measure of what you have managed to get them to say in the midst of the family intervention. I have seen addicts go to treatment willingly and fall flat, and I have seen them come in kicking and screaming and end up the brightest success stories ever. Statistically, addicts who go to treatment unwillingly do slightly better, in fact. Therefore, getting them to agree to go and getting them there is what is important as your number one family intervention goal, even if they are in denial. Bigger picture realizations can, and will, come after they are thinking like a human being again.
Family intervention services are not necessarily what you see on TV, or what you hear about at a 12-Step meeting. It is a larger set of solutions that should be well managed, which can succeed without fireworks, and which can be made permanent. Please call our family intervention hotline for more details.
After years of listening to what others, “already know,” about family intervention services, the following are FICTIONAL examples of things considered to be commonplace during a family intervention.The Intervention Stigma
After years of listening to what others, “already know,” about family intervention services, the following are FICTIONAL examples of things considered to be commonplace during a family intervention.
As you read, keep in mind that these are fictional examples of what a family intervention should neither become, nor ever include, presented as a story.
Any family, any town, USA…
“…so this guy my mom hired came and said he could help us, he even showed us his medal for being an addict. He had us write letters about how we felt toward John, about how his behavior is negatively effecting each of us…then, we all read and approved each others letters, thinking how right to the point it all was and how relieved we’d be if we didn’t get bludgeoned with one of John’s crises first.
Imagining the meeting, I had a fleeting twinge of anticipation softly twisting in my stomach as I ran the scenario over in my head; We’d read our letters and try to get him to say ‘yes,’ if we could… It never played out very well in my mind.
We grew restless as the meeting time approached. I had a very sudden, very intense desire to start running down the stairs and to get as far away as possible. I can’t help thinking that everyone else felt it as well, if only for a second. But we stayed together and agreed that we all just wanted to get it over with.
Eventually, John came home. As he walked in, we watched him take in the scene in a sort of surreal, slow motion - the six of us sitting around the living room, holding handwritten letters and all looking at him in a dead, unnatural silence. I realized that John must know what we were doing. Hell, I would. I started to panic. But much to my relief, and to our collective surprise, he came in, sat down, and listened as we awkwardly launched into the reading of the letters. Everything went smoothly for about ten minutes, through Bills letter. At that point, John said something about how Bill was getting pain medication from some mutual friend at work and how if Bill would go, then he’d go. My mom’s eyes opened in shock at this news…Bill what? Then it started. Volleys of defensive postures and offensive insults surged through the air between the boys; skeletons that made us glad to be in a house with thick walls were laid out and picked through, any morsels of blame hurriedly launched...Dad seemed to be inching toward the doorway and mom was now tearing, eyes open wide, staring into just-what-she’d-feared-would-happen. I just hoped she’d stay quiet now.
In the midst of this flurry however, some of us did manage to make it known to John that we were cutting off all of his support. We even managed a sorry attempt at delivering this crushing news “lovingly,” as we were instructed to do.
So there we were, hammering away at these ultimatums, these love-coated coffin nails.
My turn to read came and I made myself say to him – to he who had very recently sold my great grandfathers violin for $15 to buy drugs – to the guy I had blamed for our parents divorce just moments earlier, how much I love and miss him. At that point I just prayed he wouldn’t go postal on us. He wasn’t violent really, but he could cause damage.
The meeting went south completely, ending in embarrassment and frustration. He blew and we couldn’t find him for days. The intervention guy left. He said he’ll call and keep working with us, but…”
This is an exaggerated, albeit fairly accurate example, of common fears about family intervention services. It leans toward an intervention worst-case, to make a point. These commonly held ideas have been a bane to us professionally, since they would never exist in any family intervention.
Family Intervention Service Rules
In a family intervention, there is an objective which requires every bit of attention; the agreement and immediate admittance of the addict to the treatment center. At the end of the day, it is enough, and difficult enough as it is. Discussions which may crush, humiliate, shame, or otherwise lock up our communication with the addict are therefore avoided…
1. Never confront the addict, or allow for it. No subject warrants giving them traction (a good reason) to become stuck.
2. Do not talk about the problem, nor expound upon a list of their wreckage, unless the goal is an emotional payoff for the person delivering it.
It is a mystery that books and professionals tout such punitive methods. They probably spend a good deal of time dealing with the reactions and withdrawal that embarrassing or volatile subjects cause in the first place.
In any case, every meeting or dialogue we plan for is completely solutions oriented, with no mention of drugs or collateral damage. This way, even sensitive messages can be delivered effectively and without harm.
3. Any marked or prolonged hostility effectively ends whatever step is happening at the time. Hostility is never productive.
4. Do not attempt to get them to admit to their problem.
5. It is not necessary for them to tell the family that they are ‘ready to get help,’ as a prerequisite to get help.
It is ludicrous to attempt to get the addict to say these sorts of things, in light of how difficult the job already is, and the fact that very little of what an addict says is true anyway. Confessions and an appreciation for any help given are great milestones to look for as the addict gets well, but have no place in an intervention. If you can get them into treatment successfully, whether they admit to having a problem or not becomes immaterial.
6. No psychiatric evaluations.
Currently or recently practicing addicts get misdiagnosed as manic or bi-polar all too often, and are prescribed a lifetime of neurological drugs.
We encourage clean time measured in months before anything like a chemical imbalance would be considered a noteworthy conclusion. Any treatment center worth it’s salt will make good use of this time, helping the addict to clean up his past transgressions, in an effort to bring him back to balance in a healthy way.
As you read, keep in mind that these are fictional examples of what a family intervention should neither become, nor ever include, presented as a story.
Any family, any town, USA…
“…so this guy my mom hired came and said he could help us, he even showed us his medal for being an addict. He had us write letters about how we felt toward John, about how his behavior is negatively effecting each of us…then, we all read and approved each others letters, thinking how right to the point it all was and how relieved we’d be if we didn’t get bludgeoned with one of John’s crises first.
Imagining the meeting, I had a fleeting twinge of anticipation softly twisting in my stomach as I ran the scenario over in my head; We’d read our letters and try to get him to say ‘yes,’ if we could… It never played out very well in my mind.
We grew restless as the meeting time approached. I had a very sudden, very intense desire to start running down the stairs and to get as far away as possible. I can’t help thinking that everyone else felt it as well, if only for a second. But we stayed together and agreed that we all just wanted to get it over with.
Eventually, John came home. As he walked in, we watched him take in the scene in a sort of surreal, slow motion - the six of us sitting around the living room, holding handwritten letters and all looking at him in a dead, unnatural silence. I realized that John must know what we were doing. Hell, I would. I started to panic. But much to my relief, and to our collective surprise, he came in, sat down, and listened as we awkwardly launched into the reading of the letters. Everything went smoothly for about ten minutes, through Bills letter. At that point, John said something about how Bill was getting pain medication from some mutual friend at work and how if Bill would go, then he’d go. My mom’s eyes opened in shock at this news…Bill what? Then it started. Volleys of defensive postures and offensive insults surged through the air between the boys; skeletons that made us glad to be in a house with thick walls were laid out and picked through, any morsels of blame hurriedly launched...Dad seemed to be inching toward the doorway and mom was now tearing, eyes open wide, staring into just-what-she’d-feared-would-happen. I just hoped she’d stay quiet now.
In the midst of this flurry however, some of us did manage to make it known to John that we were cutting off all of his support. We even managed a sorry attempt at delivering this crushing news “lovingly,” as we were instructed to do.
So there we were, hammering away at these ultimatums, these love-coated coffin nails.
My turn to read came and I made myself say to him – to he who had very recently sold my great grandfathers violin for $15 to buy drugs – to the guy I had blamed for our parents divorce just moments earlier, how much I love and miss him. At that point I just prayed he wouldn’t go postal on us. He wasn’t violent really, but he could cause damage.
The meeting went south completely, ending in embarrassment and frustration. He blew and we couldn’t find him for days. The intervention guy left. He said he’ll call and keep working with us, but…”
This is an exaggerated, albeit fairly accurate example, of common fears about family intervention services. It leans toward an intervention worst-case, to make a point. These commonly held ideas have been a bane to us professionally, since they would never exist in any family intervention.
Family Intervention Service Rules
In a family intervention, there is an objective which requires every bit of attention; the agreement and immediate admittance of the addict to the treatment center. At the end of the day, it is enough, and difficult enough as it is. Discussions which may crush, humiliate, shame, or otherwise lock up our communication with the addict are therefore avoided…
1. Never confront the addict, or allow for it. No subject warrants giving them traction (a good reason) to become stuck.
2. Do not talk about the problem, nor expound upon a list of their wreckage, unless the goal is an emotional payoff for the person delivering it.
It is a mystery that books and professionals tout such punitive methods. They probably spend a good deal of time dealing with the reactions and withdrawal that embarrassing or volatile subjects cause in the first place.
In any case, every meeting or dialogue we plan for is completely solutions oriented, with no mention of drugs or collateral damage. This way, even sensitive messages can be delivered effectively and without harm.
3. Any marked or prolonged hostility effectively ends whatever step is happening at the time. Hostility is never productive.
4. Do not attempt to get them to admit to their problem.
5. It is not necessary for them to tell the family that they are ‘ready to get help,’ as a prerequisite to get help.
It is ludicrous to attempt to get the addict to say these sorts of things, in light of how difficult the job already is, and the fact that very little of what an addict says is true anyway. Confessions and an appreciation for any help given are great milestones to look for as the addict gets well, but have no place in an intervention. If you can get them into treatment successfully, whether they admit to having a problem or not becomes immaterial.
6. No psychiatric evaluations.
Currently or recently practicing addicts get misdiagnosed as manic or bi-polar all too often, and are prescribed a lifetime of neurological drugs.
We encourage clean time measured in months before anything like a chemical imbalance would be considered a noteworthy conclusion. Any treatment center worth it’s salt will make good use of this time, helping the addict to clean up his past transgressions, in an effort to bring him back to balance in a healthy way.
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